Blessings and Miracles

Wow, I haven't blogged in a LONG time! But I have been thinking that I ought to just type a few things while I am remembering them. I am much faster at typing than writing so my journal isn't very full either. My kids are growing up so quickly. I am so proud of them and love them so much. No, they are not perfect, but they are good kids who really try. I have enjoyed our walks home from school (after we drop off Aubrey and her friend--the way there we are usually running late and almost running to get there, but the walk home is more pleasant and relaxed). Jonathan and Mariah just look around and enjoy the earth around us and it really is quite cute to see their enthusiasm. It is good for me to get out as well and go on a walk in the middle of the day--though if I had a car, I know I would drive Aubrey to school--so a perk to not having a car is that we have to take a daily walk that otherwise I would not take the time to do.

The thing I mainly wanted to blog about today is a major blessing and miracle in our life that has been gradually happening and fulfilled just recently. Now this is not something I am pleased to admit, but a part of our life that we have been constantly working on. Since we had our first child, we have acquired debt each year on things we just didn't have the money for, but had to pay--like car problems and mostly on medical things (1st major thing being having a baby--we didn't have the money for it--fortunately we did have insurance, so it wasn't outrageous, but several thousand).
We made the decision that I would stay at home and quit my job when we had children. Financially, that was a terrible decision. I had a degree and a teaching job (so not a lot--but good for starters), Jon was going to school and had a dinky phone job on the side, but we knew it was what Heavenly Father would have us do for our children. We lived in many crappy places and lived off very little. But expenses still come that must be paid. Each year we would get enough tax return to pay off any debt we had acquired from the previous year. When we bought our home, we had debt that we had acquired from Jon losing his job, medical, and whatnot. We assumed that we would be able to pay it all off with tax return. Well, this was the first year in our home and with a decent income (once again, not a lot, but good for where we are at in our lives)-- and we did not get enough taxes back to pay off our debt. We are quite tight in our home and with the regular expenses and rainy days that we all experience--anything after regular bills and needs that was left was just enough to put towards debt--not towards savings. We were very disheartened and knew that we had to do everything we could to try to not acquire more debt and to pay it off--we had one year before interest began on it--one year to pay it off. We started to really focus on our finances--more so than before--and to really pray for help and to be able to get out of debt. I even prayed that we would be able to get completely out of debt before the interest would begin. Blessings came--I learned to shop a new way that cut our grocery bill in half--our parents would slip us some money here and there. We tried to live on a very tight budget.
But the reality is--you still have rainy days. We had many amongst the blessings. We acquired more debt as there wasn't any other option. Our car had many troubles and we had more medical things. Jon's job changed their policies on commission--making it so we were getting a couple to a few hundred dollars less depending on certain things--and of course as with most people over the past couple of years--no raises, no bonuses. We didn't have much to work with, but kept trying. We decided to up our fast offerings (and we felt we were paying generously already--but felt that adding a little more wouldn't break us). We weren't always perfect--we would go out on a date every once in a while--not spending lots--but nonetheless, spending some. We did still buy birthday & Christmas presents and we did still do some fun things as a family--so we could have put a little more money toward our debt. Overall though, we actually were quite tight.
As the year came to an end and the new one commenced, we felt that we really had improved and had worked harder on being better and living tighter. But we still had debt and we knew we would likely not be able to pay it all off with our taxes--but we hoped and prayed that we would. We filled out taxes and came to discover that we were not getting as much back as we thought, and we would still have debt to pay off. I was so frustrated and even angry. I complained to Jon about how hard we had been working and praying at getting on top of our finances and being able to save for a rainy day before one actually came. We had been going without things more and more and felt that we were doing pretty much all that we could do.
The next week I went through all--and I mean all--every penny that we had spent over the last year--no matter how ugly it looked. I categorized it into months and discovered that there were a couple of things we could do better at. I also discovered that we had indeed improved over the year and that we were spending very little and most of our expenses really were to the car, medical, mortgage, and regular bills. It was really good to see and Jon and I sat down and looked at it together. I knew that if we continued to live so tight that we could eventually get out of debt as long as nothing else came up--so pray for no more rainy days until we were out of debt! I got a hold of myself and knew that though it would take a long time--we were improving and we would eventually get on top of things.
Well, we hadn't actually turned in our taxes yet. We decided that it was time and Jon decided to review everything one last time (though we had done so together many times). But this time, he caught something. He realized that we did qualify for something that we had thought we didn't qualify for--it was like the wording had changed--it was a credit that we had qualified for the previous years, but not this year--but now, we did qualify--we had read it wrong!! We were now getting more back--still not enough to get out of debt--but a lot closer--infact we would just have $1000 left in debt now. It seemed that there was some light at the end of the tunnel after all. We turned in our taxes and waited to be able to get the money and pay off everything that we could.
The day finally came--we got back State first. Federal got delayed by a week, but we finally got it. But when we got it, there was $800 more than we thought we would get back. Those of you who know me, I am very skeptical--was this a blessing or a mistake? What do we do? Do we call the IRS and ask why--I don't want to owe the government money--or do we just use it. Jon said it was a blessing--I was nervous and wasn't sure. If this was a blessing, we could use our grocery money and delay payment on a medical bill for the month and pay off the rest of our debt--and FINALLY be debt free! I so wanted it to be a blessing, but I wasn't sure.
Well, a letter came from the IRS--I was scared to open it--I knew it would answer the question as to whether this was a blessing or a mistake. It stated that there was a change made to our tax return because we qualified for this other thing and that the following year if wanted that again we would have to fill out the form, but this year they did it for us. It was then that it hit me hard--this wasn't a blessing--this wasn't a mistake--this was a complete miracle!! Our prayers were truly answered.
We are now out of debt and I know it is a miracle and nothing more. I know Heavenly Father answers our prayers and that he blesses and helps us. I know that he really is mindful of us even at times when we are weak and don't see it. We have learned a lot through this that I am so grateful for that. This year will be a hard year--we already know we will have a lot of medical expenses. Now I pray that we can keep on top of it (and that our car will be good--no more expensive problems!!) and keep living tight and moving forward in doing all that we can do. We have sincerely been blessed and taken care of time and time again!